Inspire.Me.May

Color Quiz

I took the color quiz and here are my results! WOW, it’s me! Take it and see what results you get.

Your Existing Situation

“Very emotional and artistic, enjoys being surrounded by beauty and art. Looking for a partner who always has an eye for beauty and who enjoys close, loving relationships.”

Your Stress Sources

“Seeks freedom and the chance to do as she wishes; avoids restrictions or things that try to hold her back. Feels an intense amount of pressure being put on her and would like a chance to escape in order to do the things she wants and needs to do for himself. However, she lacks the determination and motivation to escape and pursue her own personal gains.”

Your Restrained Characteristics

Open and emotionally involved in relationships and easily finds satisfaction through sexual activity.

Current situations force her into compromise and placing her own hopes and desires on hold for the time being.

“Seeking to broaden her horizons and believes her hopes and dreams are realistic. Worries she may not be able to do the things she wants and needs to escape to a peaceful, quiet environment in order to restore her confidence.”

Your Desired Objective

“Longs for a loving, caring, and supportive relationship, and fanaticizes of living in perfect harmony with others. Has a strong desire for tenderness and affection and enjoys things which are artistically pleasing to the eye.”

Your Actual Problem

“Feeling tension and stress brought on by situations which are out of her control, leaves her feeling helpless, anxious, and in adequate. she tries to escape into a fantasy world where things go her way and her desires are easier to reach.”

Your Actual Problem #2

Longs the freedom to make her own decisions and plans without the criticism and restrictions of others. Uses her charm to deal with others and get what she wants.

Attachment

 The more important you believe they are to you, the more anxiety you will create about losing them. One of the best ways to control your fear of rejection is to not get overly attached to someone. The following factors are especially important sources of attachment that is too much, too soon.

1. HOW “SPECIAL” THE OTHER PERSON IS: the more you want to be wanted by them, the more anxiety it will cause. Many people develop a fantasy or script about what love should be like. For example many people expect to marry their “first love,” or the person that they have called their “soul mate.” Letting yourself develop and fantasize about the future with a person increases attachment and anxiety about the expectations or plans not coming true.  Any little event that makes the plan seem likely makes you feel elated; any event that makes it seem unlikely makes you feel devastated.  You can get on an emotional roller-coaster, dependent upon these little signs of success or failure in the relationship. You may then drive the person away by being too emotional or needy.

To prevent this emotional roller-coaster, don’t develop the expectations prematurely. Don’t fantasize and plan for the future prematurely. Always know that it may not work out and have alternative plans that you know you can be happy with.

2. BELIEVING ONLY ONE PERSON IS RIGHT FOR YOU vs. many are right. The fact is that many people who thought someone was the only person for them and thought their life was ruined because they could not be with that person later found someone else with whom they were much happier. Remind yourself that, no matter how much you may feel that is the only person for you, you can be wrong!

3. HOW CONFIDENT YOU ARE IN YOUR ABILITY TO HELP CREATE A HAPPY RELATIONSHIP

The less confident you are that you can create a happy relationship or get a person like you want, the more likely you are:

(1) to pick someone with whom you will not be satisfied. Or you may wait for others to approach you.  People who tend to use or dominate you may be the very type of more outgoing people who will seek you.  Then you may later wonder why you keep getting into relationships with people who don’t treat you well. Learn to be active in the process of meeting others and getting involved in a relationship.  Keep the initiation of mutual activities closer to a 50-50 level, and don’t just go along for the ride when you are seeing red flags.

(2) to pick someone who “needs” you to take care of them, because they do not take care of themselves well. Frequently in a codependent relationship, the codependent partner believes his/her “weak” partner is so dependent upon them that they will not leave them. The codependent partner may also believe that he/she is not very attractive and believes he/she could not attract someone as attractive as this irresponsible partner if the other was not so needy. They are not willing to risk finding someone who is not needy, who would only want them for how much they enjoyed being with them.

They are afraid no one they would want would really be attracted to them or stay with them. If you are one of these people, it is important to test that assumption. You probably have many other desirable qualities another would love that you don’t appreciate about yourself. See the section below on “stereotypes”. Also, if you really believe that you do not know how to create fun and happiness for yourself, you may want to work on that. That could make a difference in attracting a more fun loving, happy person if that is the type of person you want.

4. SHARING EVENTS ESPECIALLY CONVERSATIONAL AND PHYSICAL INTIMACY
Sharing life events increases attachment. Just being together in a variety of circumstances seems to build some degree of closeness. However, sharing important life events, sharing of one’s innermost feelings and thoughts, and physical intimacy are powerful forces that can lead to very strong “attachment” (to the degree that these events are positive). If you have gained a high degree of intimacy, that is great! However, it does not mean that you can’t find it with someone else.  On the contrary, it means that you have learned how to be intimate, and your chances are very high that you can find at least that much intimacy again. Most often people move into better—not worse—relationships after one has ended.

-csulb.edu

Compromise

Bob Said It Again…

Only once in your life, I truly believe, you find someone who can completely turn your world around. You tell them things that you’ve never shared with another soul and they absorb everything you say and actually want to hear more. You share hopes for the future, dreams that will never come true, goals that were never achieved and the many disappointments life has thrown at you. When something wonderful happens, you can’t wait to tell them about it, knowing they will share in your excitement.

They are not embarrassed to cry with you when you are hurting or laugh with you when you make a fool of yourself. Never do they hurt your feelings or make you feel like you are not good enough, but rather they build you up and show you the things about yourself that make you special and even beautiful. There is never any pressure, jealousy or competition but only a quiet calmness when they are around. You can be yourself and not worry about what they will think of you because they love you for who you are. The things that seem insignificant to most people such as a note, song or walk become invaluable treasures kept safe in your heart to cherish forever. Memories of your childhood come back and are so clear and vivid it’s like being young again.

Colours seem brighter and more brilliant. Laughter seems part of daily life where before it was infrequent or didn’t exist at all. A phone call or two during the day helps to get you through a long day’s work and always brings a smile to your face. In their presence, there’s no need for continuous conversation, but you find you’re quite content in just having them nearby. Things that never interested you before become fascinating because you know they are important to this person who is so special to you. You think of this person on every occasion and in everything you do. Simple things bring them to mind like a pale blue sky, gentle wind or even a storm cloud on the horizon. You open your heart knowing that there’s a chance it may be broken one day and in opening your heart, you experience a love and joy that you never dreamed possible.

You find that being vulnerable is the only way to allow your heart to feel true pleasure that’s so real it scares you. You find strength in knowing you have a true friend and possibly a soul mate who will remain loyal to the end. Life seems completely different, exciting and worthwhile. Your only hope and security is in knowing that they are a part of your life.” 
― Bob Marley

A Letter…

A 98-year-old woman wrote this to her bank. The bank manager thought it amusing enough to have it published in the New York Times.

Dear Sir:

I am writing to thank you for bouncing my check with which I endeavored to pay my plumber last month.

By my calculations, three ‘nanoseconds’ must have elapsed between his presenting the check and the arrival in my account of the funds needed to honor it. I refer, of course, to the automatic monthly deposit of my entire salary, an arrangement which, I admit, has been in place for only eight years.

You are to be commended for seizing that brief window of opportunity, and also for debiting my account $30 by way of penalty for the inconvenience caused to your bank.

My thankfulness springs from the manner in which this incident has caused me to rethink my errant financial ways.

I noticed that whereas I personally attend to your telephone calls and letters, when I try to contact you, I am confronted by the impersonal, overcharging, pre-recorded, faceless entity which your bank has become.

From now on, I, like you, choose only to deal with a flesh-and-blood person. My mortgage and loan payments will therefore and hereafter no longer be automatic, but will arrive at your bank by check, addressed personally and confidentially to an employee at your bank whom you must nominate.

Be aware that it is an offense under the Postal Act for any other person to open such an envelope. Please find attached an Application Contact Status which I require your chosen employee to complete. I am sorry it runs to eight pages, but in order that I know as much about him or her as your bank knows about me, there is no alternative. Please note that all copies of his or her medical history must be countersigned by a Notary, and the mandatory details of his/her financial situation (income, debts, assets and liabilities) must be accompanied by documented proof.

In due course, I will issue your employee with a PIN number which he/she must quote in dealings with me. I regret that it cannot be shorter than 28 digits but, again, I have modeled it on the number of button presses required of me to access my account balance on your phone bank service. As they say, imitation is the sincerest form of flattery. Let me level the playing field even further. When you call me, press buttons as follows:

1— To make an appointment to see me.
2— To query a missing payment.
3— To transfer the call to my living room in case I am there.
4— To transfer the call to my bedroom in case I am sleeping.
5— To transfer the call to my toilet in case I am attending to nature.
6— To transfer the call to my mobile phone if I am not at home.
7— To leave a message on my computer. (A password to access my computer is required. A password will be communicated to you at a later date to the Authorized Contact.)
8— To return to the main menu to listen to options 1 through 7.
9— To make a general complaint or inquiry, the contact will then be put on hold, pending the attention of my automated answering service.

While this may, on occasion, involve a lengthy wait, uplifting music will play for the duration of the call. Regrettably, but again following your example, I must also levy an establishment fee to cover the setting up of this new arrangement.

May I wish you a happy, if ever so slightly less prosperous, New Year.

The Power of Positive Thinking

Whatever the mind expects, it finds.

Not everyone accepts or believes in positive thinking. Some consider the subject as just nonsense, and others scoff at people who believe and accept it. Among the people who accept it, not many know how to use it effectively to get results. Yet, it seems that many are becoming attracted to this subject, as evidenced by the many books, lectures and courses about it. This is a subject that is gaining popularity.

It is quite common to hear people say: “Think positive!”, to someone who feels down and worried. Most people do not take these words seriously, as they do not know what they really mean, or do not consider them as useful and effective. How many people do you know, who stop to think what the power of positive thinking means?

-Success Consciousness 

Short Love Stories

Today, my 75-year-old grandpa who has been blind from cataracts for almost 15 years said to me, “Your grandma is just the most beautiful thing, isn’t she?” I paused for a second and said, “Yes she is. I bet you miss seeing that beauty on a daily basis.” “Sweety,” my grandpa said, “I still see her beauty every day. In fact, I see it more now than I used to when we were young.” MMT

____________________________________________________________________

“Today, I walked up to the door of my office (I’m a florist) at 7AM to find a uniformed Army soldier standing out front waiting. He was on his way to the airport to go to Afghanistan for a year. He said, “I usually bring home a bouquet of flowers for my wife every Friday and I don’t want to let her down when I’m away.” He then placed an order for 52 Friday afternoon deliveries of flowers to his wife’s office and asked me to schedule one for each week until he returns. I gave him a 50% discount because it made my day to see something so sweet.” MMT 

____________________________________________________________________

“Today, I told my 18 year old grandson that nobody asked me to prom when I was in high school, so I didn’t attend. He showed up at my house this evening dressed in a tuxedo and took me as his date to his prom.”  MMT

____________________________________________________________________

“Today, I operated on a little girl. She needed O- blood. We didn’t have any, but her twin brother has O- blood. I explained to him that it was a matter of life and death. He sat quietly for a moment, and then said goodbye to his parents. I didn’t think anything of it until after we took his blood and he asked, “So when will I die?” He thought he was giving his life for hers. Thankfully, they’ll both be fine.”  MMT

____________________________________________________________________

“Today, I re-read the suicide letter I wrote on the afternoon of September 2nd 1996 about two minutes before my girlfriend showed up at my door and told me, “I’m pregnant.” Suddenly I felt I had a reason to live. Today she’s my wife. We’ve been happily married for 14 years. And my daughter, who is almost 15 now, has two younger brothers. I re-read my suicide letter from time to time as a reminder to be thankful – I am thankful I got a second chance at life and love.”  MMT

Why do emotional opposites attract?

Falling in love is always a little bit of a mystery. Psychoanalyst Theodore Reik believed most people fall in love for selfish reasons; we tend to choose people who appear to give us with the very qualities we think we’re lacking. Others believe relationships that help us to grow feel the most rewarding. When we find lovers who are competent in areas which are novel to us, it can feel amazing and alluring.

So what does this mean when it comes to giving and receiving love?  Is it true opposites do indeed attract? The attachment science field is trying to answer some of these very perplexing questions. Attachment theory attempts to explain the way adults bond with each other when they love. There are three major types of attachment styles: secure, anxious and avoidant.

• A secure attachment style is the most common and describes people who are comfortable with intimacy.
• People with anxious attachment crave intimacy and often worry that their partners don’t want to be as close to them as they’d like.
• The avoidant attachment style equates intimacy with a loss of independence.

As romantic tendencies would have it, it’s not uncommon for different attachment styles to find each other and form a love connection. For example, emotionally giving personality types can be very attracted to emotionally reserved types, and of course the opposite is true as well. As you can imagine, these conflicting attachment styles can create a bit of tension when it comes to feeling loved in the right kind of way. So is this some kind of cruel cosmic joke? Not necessarily. The reserved partner who is attracted to the emotional woman says to himself, “Here is someone who can complete me.” And likewise, the emotional woman says, “Here’s a man who will balance out my emotionalism.”

Dr. Amir Levine, a psychiatrist and neuroscientist at Columbia University, has some uplifting news for complementary attachment-style lovers. It’s very possible for your attachment style to change. Telling a partner what you need from them, in as detailed a way as possible, is a great place to start. Showing love doesn’t need to be perfect or even 50/50; it just has to be enough in the right direction to help your partner know they are loved by you.

And here’s the interesting thing: couples who learn to accept each other not only feel better about their relationship, but end up having a better time accepting themselves, too. Bottom line: our romantic relationships are designed to help us become our best selves. And what better strategy is there then pairing up with someone who can teach you how to develop some of your more dormant traits? Finding your opposite isn’t such a cruel love joke after all — at least it doesn’t have to be.

-MSNBC